Wedding Planning and for the Future

Planning for our upcoming wedding in March has taken up a lot of Theresa's time over the past few months.  People have come out of the wood work to help out with the things that we need done; flowers, decorating, and so forth.  Since we're paying for this shindig ourselves, we need all the help we can get.  Some things have been easier than others.  A friend who does wedding planning helped out with finding the perfect reception hall for us.  Theresa's uncle is supposed to do the food and her cousin is doing the cakes and some Italian cookies.

Some of her friends are doing a bridal shower for her on the 16th of January.  Last night, we found out that they didn't include where we're registered with the invitations and that they didn't order enough invitations for the number of people Theresa wanted invited.  This is a huge snafu on both parts; the latter easily resolved by just making copies of an invitation, but the other leaves us getting gift randomness.

We ordered the invitations from 123print.com which was less expensive than most of the other places I found online.  It was easy to find a stock design that we liked.  I actually picked out several and showed them to Theresa, but my first choice ended up being the one she liked as well.  The most difficult parts were deciding on the wording since her parents are not paying for the wedding and I am taking her name instead of her taking mine.  We ended up using what are married names will be and placing my former name in parentheses under my new name then used "request the honor of your presence as they are joined in Holy Matrimony" for the wording.

The whole name change thing came about after Theresa expressed hesitation to taking my last name.  At first, I was indignant at the thought of her keeping her name and not using mine then she told me why.  She reasoned that I didn't like or want my name, so why should she take it when her name means something to her and mine doesn't.  She made absolute sense.  We debated about the possibility of a hyphenated name which I shot down because I feel that hyphenated names show no commitment to the relationship except where there's a celebrity or notable author involved.

After some discussion, I offered that I could take her name instead of her taking mine.  I don't think that she believed that I would actually do it and that to most people it would be weird.  Surprisingly, her dad thought it was a good idea until his wife made him think otherwise.  Some friends thought, or should I say think, I'm nuts for considering the possibility.   I'd venture to say that some question my manhood, but I don't really care about that.  One of her brothers was very approving while another and his wife thought it to be absurd and couldn't accept it thinking I was joking.

We decided that I should get my name changed prior to the wedding so that the marriage certificate would have the correct name and at the reception we could be announced correctly.  The process for a man to take his wife's last name is completely different than for a woman to take her husband's.  With the exception of a handful of states, the name change associated with a marriage is solely for the woman only via the marriage license.  Most of the states do not have a check box to indicate which spouses name will be used for their life together.

In most states, a man must actually have his name legally changed in the court system.  In Louisiana, this involves filing a name change request for $225 with the clerk of court then walking it over to the district attorney's office.  It's $295 if you don't walk it over to the district attorney's office yourself.  The district attorney decides whether or not he thinks that the request is legit, does a background check, and signs off on it either way.  The primary reason for the district attorney denying the request is if the person has current criminal charges open.  A birth certificate is required for the background check.

Once the district attorney signs off on the request, you have to pick it up from his office and bring it back to the clerk of court's office to be coded.  From there you are sent up to the appropriate division to have the judge review and rule on it.  After that, it's back to the clerk of court's office for the final processing and getting true copies for filing with all the agencies to use your new name.

The list of places where your name must be changed is bewildering.  Vital records, driver's license, passport, employer, post office, creditors, banks, loans, social security card, utilities, frequent flyer accounts, mortgage, vehicle registration, registrar of voters, and so on.  Most men have no clue what a woman goes through after they get married and changes her name.  I surely didn't have a clue and I've been married before.  Little did I know that I would be faced with doing the same thing.  I'm glad that I did the name change.  It is something that I have wanted to do since I was fifteen and my parents divorced, but I never had a legitimate reason or name, in my mind, to do so with.